HEART ILLNESS AND INTIMACY: LIVING WITH TYPE A’s
This is a test; complete this sentence. I am married to a Type A personality, and I:
(1) am Type A myself;
(2) frequently compete with my mate, even when I don't want to;
(3) wish that my partner would be more relaxed and nurturing in dealing with me and the kids;
(4) am convinced that my mate is acting more and more like my mother-in-law (father-in-law);
(5) feel very, very tired;
(6) wish I could get my mate to read this book;
(7) am filled with fear and anticipation as I read on.
As your answers to this test may indicate, Type A people can be difficult to live with. Of the many Type A factors described in the preceding pages, few have desirable effects on relationships. This is somewhat unfair to us Type A's; we do have our charming moments. In fact, healthily refined Type A's are typically quite enjoyable and stimulating to be around—when their lives are going well.
The situation, however, is one in which the Type A's life is not going so well. Coping with heart disease is frightening, and (as we all know by now) when Type A's get scared, they go into action or become angry. For this reason, when at least one member of a cardiac couple is Type A, the couple's relationship can be quite affected by the negative aspects of this coping style.
Marriages tend to organize around the couple's most consistent behavioral and emotional ways of being, so it is no wonder that Type A coping style tends to shape marital interactions. This Type A business is not subtle; its power and effect on others are quite obvious.
Of course, a number of factors in addition to Type A behavior combine to determine how a couple acts. These factors include the emotional histories of the individuals and of the relationship; the overall stress level of the family; whether both spouses are Type A; and the relative levels of love, commitment, and forgiveness in the relationship. These factors certainly influence the overall quality of the marriage, and their importance should not be discounted.
Research suggests that marriages that are dominated by one partner's Type A style tend to have serious problems, particularly from the viewpoint of the non-Type A spouse. For example, wives of male Type A's frequently report feelings of depression, worthlessness, anxiety, and tension. They also tend to feel more guilt and social isolation than spouses of Type B personalities. Various complaints of women married to Type A men have repeatedly surfaced in research studies, including resentment over their absence from home, frustration with their failure to help with at-home chores, and criticism of their lack of parenting abilities and generally poor communication and conflict resolution skills. Very little research attention has been paid, on the other hand, to the reaction of men to their Type A wives. Preliminary studies suggest that Type A male cardiac patients have a better recovery rate if they are married to nurturing, Type B women than if they are married to Type A wives. I emphasize that these findings are speculative and tentative. Don't run out and get divorced in the name of cardiac rehabilitation!
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