LIVING WITH TYPE A’s: FAMILY’S FEAR
The Type A's hard-driving style may interfere with smelling-the-roses experiences that create intimacy and connection among family members. Or competitiveness may lead the Type A to hold back statements of praise and appreciation for the accomplishments of other family members. Aggressive, hostile reactions from the Type A make it difficult to resolve conflict successfully, and family members may begin to distance themselves from this person because they fear having another no-winners argument.
The Type A's time urgency may turn even supposedly relaxed events, like evenings when the couple goes out for a date, into tense, scheduled occasions that are more endured than enjoyed. And the Type A's extreme discomfort with lack of control often makes the whole realm of interpersonal relations—with all its infinite and wonderful sloppiness—an arena to be avoided or, at best, struggled with.
Despite these universals, no single pattern of relating exists in Type A marriages. I doubt that any such universal pattern will ever be discovered, because every person (even one who has most of the defining characteristics of a certain personality label) is unique. However, in my work as a marriage therapist, I have noted seven styles of relating within marriages in which partners are grappling with Type A behavior. One of these may be considered a healthy version of marriage; the other patterns surely result in increased stress and dissatisfaction within the marriage. I offer these descriptions to you in hopes of stimulating your thinking and your discussions about yourselves and your own marital patterns.
I emphasize that the following conceptualizations are the result of one person's clinical impressions of and review of contemporary research on Type A behavior and marriage. Although research in this area has been rather limited, my clinical experiences have been extensive and varied. I also emphasize that my conceptualizations of marital types do not represent absolute, mutually, exclusive marital- patterns.
Many couples display several of these patterns of interaction, and no couple totally fits any one of these descriptions.
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