PREVENTING INFIDELITY

Serial monogamy
I'm sure some women and perhaps as many men would agree that marriage is not the natural state of human existence.
The statistics of divorce certainly support this view. In the animal kingdom, it is not that common for members of a species to retain the same partner for the whole of their adult lives. I don't agree that monogamy differentiates us from animals: I believe that our basic instincts lead us to be serial monogamists.

What is serial monogamy?
What I mean by serial monogamy is that as humans, we generally prefer to spend periods of time in serial monogamous relationships. If we are very fond of someone, we enjoy being with that person. If we build a relationship with them, then we want to remain faithful. However, sometimes we become bored with our partner. The saying 'a change is as good as a holiday' is something all of us practise, some more often than others.
During the bloom of a new relationship, you feel as if your partner is exciting and the newness is exhilarating. You're proud of her. Thus, while you are with your new partner, you choose to stay faithful. You want to learn more about him or her. However, there comes a time when you feel the need to move on. You question the relationship. You begin to look around for someone else.
I don't advocate promiscuity and I don't promote it. You should remember that in order to give your relationship the best chance for success is to be faithful to your partner. I do, however, support exposure to different relationships over time, whether they be platonic or sexual. The line drawn between 'promiscuity' and 'several different relationships' is the level or the depth of the relationship concerned. A promiscuous person will have multiple short relationships with many different people. They are monogamous only for the period of time that they are with any one partner— perhaps just one session. In contrast, 'several different relationships' means that each monogamous relationship has a meeting phase, a development phase, a growth phase, a deterioration period, and a termination phase.
Experiencing several such 'different relationships' helps you learn about being with another person for a period of time. It prepares you for an adult lifetime of sharing. It helps you recognise characteristics that you like and those that you don't. It gives you experiences that you can pass on to others along the way. It helps you gain knowledge of other people so you can become aware of the sort of partner that you don't want.
However, if you decide to follow this advice, I do advocate the following: Relationships should be monogamous. However, each relationship should have a clean ending before you start on the next. A break between relationships allows you to reflect on the previous relationship. This period of reflection makes it less likely that you will repeat the same mistakes.
This advice does not correspond to the teachings of some religious communities and the mores of some cultures. I respect their point of view. In many traditional cultures, premarital contact with women is not encouraged. Premarital sex with a partner is not allowed. Once married, your wife must cover herself so that she does not make herself attractive to another man. These teachings do make a lot of sense. They emphasise the purity of marriage. They encourage monogamy. A religious friend of mine told me 'My husband never experienced another woman before he met me. I had never experienced another man before him. When we were married, we were not even aware that there
was anything else to be jealous of/ In these situations, perhaps there is no need to look outside of marriage.
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